A Love Letter, On Love, To Younger Me

By Marisa Zhuno

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

First of all, put down the Ben & Jerry’s and step away from the bottle of rosé. Okay, okay, you can keep the oat milk chocolate—but grab a blanket, get cozy, and let’s talk. I know you’re feeling lonely, like there’s a little hollow space inside you that you don’t quite know how to fill. And I know the ice cream and wine feel like a temporary fix, but trust me, a walk in the fresh air will do more for your heart than any sugar rush ever could.

But let’s be real: this isn’t just about a hangover. I know what’s really going on. That sinking feeling that you’re always a second choice, that you never quite belong, that you’re faking your way through social situations—yeah, I remember it well. The way your chest tightens before walking into a new space, the way you plaster on a smile while wondering if anyone actually sees you. It’s exhausting.

If I could whisper something to you through time, it would be this: write down everything you love about yourself. Not what others love about you, not what you think makes you more likable—just the things that make you you. Fill your journal with affirmations, not just fears. (And maybe fewer dramatic poems about boys you just met.) You have no idea how powerful you are when you stop looking for validation and just exist as yourself.

Now, here comes the tough love. You haven’t fallen in love yet for a reason. And, I hate to say it, but…it’s because you’re desperate. I know, I know. You’re horrified that I would use that word, but hear me out. You’re searching for something—anything—that makes you feel wanted, seen, worthy. The flirting, the fleeting attention, the wild nights that make you feel electric for a moment… they give you a taste of power, but they don’t fill you up. And when the music fades and the crowd clears, the ache is still there.

The reason nothing ever feels real? It’s because you aren’t being real. You shape-shift into whatever version of yourself you think someone will love—the cool girl, the mysterious one, the seductress, the free spirit. And while it’s an impressive performance (your acting teachers would be proud), it’s also the reason nothing sticks. People can sense when someone isn’t fully there, and deep down, you know it too.

So here’s what I need you to understand: the best love—the love that changes everything—starts with you. The second you stop tying your worth to a man’s attention, the second you stop twisting yourself into someone else’s dream girl, the real magic begins. When you’re confident in your own skin, when you learn to say no, when you stop settling for half-hearted affection, the love that finds you? It will be beyond anything you’ve ever imagined.

So, my love, be kind to yourself. Replace the spiraling thoughts with gentle words. Surround yourself with friends who make you feel powerful. Stop shrinking, stop morphing, stop chasing. The right one will come.

Call your mom. Keep traveling. Take the risk. And for the love of everything, wear your sunscreen.

Marisa Zhuño is a teacher who lives in Atlanta, Georgia. She loves watercolor painting, musical theater, travel, and shows about murder. Follow her teaching and travel adventures on TikTok @MarisaMoves and Instagram @MarisaZhuno.